Blue Wire or Red Wire?
by luvinx
Summary: Follows Pub scene, S02E03. I have always felt like Anna would have needed a bit more reassurance from John after their break. I also think that an understanding was established between them about their relationship before going forward. Anna loves John but she is no fool. John has a bit more diffusing to do. This is what results when my mind goes that way.


_"It won't be long now."_

He squeezed her hand within his and quickly peered over his shoulder at the counter.

"I suppose you have to get back then?" He noticed her lip tremor once as she spoke.

"Soon. But not just yet." He smiled at her, hoping to soothe the tension that had sprung back up around them. Neither wanted to part from the other. His heart was still striving to get its beat under control.

There was silence between them for a few minutes, his thumbs massaging the back of her hand.

"Why would you dread seeing me?"

He looked shocked at her question, confusion clouding his eyes. She appeared to be slightly annoyed, as she had when he initially saw her.

"What?"

"When I arrived, you said you didn't know if you've dreaded this-"

"Yes, I did say that." He looked at her sheepishly, not cognizant of what to say.

Her intent gaze would not relent and he knew that she needed an answer. There was residual anger in them from when they first sat down.

"I was merely nervous when I saw you. When we parted...the last time I saw you, I-"

"Broke my heart."

"Yes."

"And saying that you have dreaded the moment you would see me again is the way in which you would choose to ease into our first encounter since then?"

"No Anna, not at all. I have...I would..." he stumbled over his words once more and looked down at the table. It had been ridiculous to believe that he had relieved her fears from when he had left. He had thought her bitterness had abated but that was clearly not the case. He was not accustomed to seeing her like this.

But he imagined that she had not been prepared to have her heart shattered into pieces by the man who had pledged his love to her only to take it back without explanation. She had months and months in which to relive those moments, with nothing tangible to ease her pain. She needed his reassurance. She needed his remorse. And she deserved them both. He decided to try and lighten the mood first.

He looked back up into her stormy eyes. "I did say that I had longed for you. Twice."

Her eyes flickered, mirth briefly shining from within. One side of her mouth hitched upwards and she glanced down at the table. He suppressed a grin, knowing his words had had the desired effect on her. Now he just needed to find the right path he should take to comfort her.

But she beat him to it, as she almost always did.

"You also said that you loved me twice." Her voice was now soft and shy.

"And do you doubt that Anna?"

"I do have some reservations. But not about that."

"You are not one to doubt."

He noticed a slight sparkle in her eye. "And you are not one to say you love me."

He smiled briefly but turned very serious in the next instant. "But you do not question my love for you?"

"No. I don't. I know you love me. I have always known. But I-" she stopped and shook her head.

"Please Anna. Please continue."

She shook her head again and he saw something flash deep in her eyes. Apprehension. And sadness.

She shifted in her seat. Her next question surprised him for a third time that day. "What stuff?"

He realized that he was having trouble keeping up with her thoughts. He knew what she meant, as she had asked the same question earlier, but was not sure why she would bring it up just now. He wanted to know why he had seen fear in her eyes a moment ago, and what she had been going to say. But that would have to wait.

"You mean Vera and her threats?"

"Yes."

"You don't need to worry about that."

"Yes, I believe that I do. There is something that you are not telling me. You withheld it that horrible day. And you do so again today."

"I will take care of it."

"Mr. Bates, you will share it with me now."

He couldn't help the smile from appearing on his lips as he said, "You are quite stunning when you are cross with me."

"I will not let you distract me again." Her face was impassive and he felt like he could avoid this topic no longer.

"You will not want to speak of it. We have only ever discussed it once."

Her eyes blinked in recognition, but he was sure there was no revelation in them. She had known.

"Did it not occur to you that I would want to know that? After what you said to me about giving your vows another chance and," she choked on her words and he felt his heart sink and his ears burn with shame. She pressed on, voice low yet determined, "How could you let me think that for even one more second? Not know the real reason?"

"I'm sorry Anna, it is difficult to know what may harm you more." He resumed almost in a whisper, as if ranting to himself. "As a matter of fact, I have always struggled with that. And I always make the wrong choice." She closed her eyes but said nothing. He raised his voice and went back to addressing her questions. "I am aware how much that...incident affected you." He paused and added with a twinkle, "Although, if you recall, it was a bit of a turning point for us."

At that her eyes opened and sought his again, her resolve beginning to dissipate, and a small smile tugged at her lips. "I do remember."

Seizing his chance to preserve their fragile peace, he asked, "Are you certain you want to talk about that?"

"Not as such, no. But how did Ver...she find out?"

"Lady Flincher's maid. She worked there. She is rather adept at manipulation."

"Apparently." And the way she said it made him feel a little foolish. "I have a bit of money put aside to assist in-"

"No Anna. Absolutely not."

"But I would submit any assistance I could to be rid of her."

"I know that Anna. But I can manage." He glanced from side to side then leaned in close to her. "As wonderful as it is for you to offer that for me, it is not the best one I have received from you today." He pulled away from her with a cheeky grin.

Her face and neck flushed and her eyes dropped to the table. As much as he longed to stay in this lighter moment, he was compelled to revert back to their previous discussion. He had not intended to talk about Vera, and what she had said, but his choices so far had only made the situation worse. Perhaps this was his opportunity to share everything with her. She may have already come to this conclusion on her own, but it was crucial he show her that he refused to hide anything more. He decided to take a leap of faith.

He rubbed her hand briskly and she looked up. "She knows about your...role in it as well."

She didn't even blink. "So I was correct. You were protecting me."

"Yes."

"Even when I plead with you not to?"

"Anna..."

"Why must you always insist on going it alone? Even when I implore you otherwise."

This was upsetting her once more. He needed to apply a different approach.

"When you were in London, why did you call upon my Mother?"

She seemed startled. "What? What does that have to do with this?"

"You said at the time that you had to know the truth. Why?"

"You know why. You were going to lose your position. I had to..." Her voice suddenly cut off.

"You had to protect me from myself."

"Yes." It was clear in her eyes that his point had been made.

"Anna, you must understand that no amount of strength would shield you from a scandal such as this. You would be ruined."

Her eyes softened and he finally began to have hope that he was making progress. She understood why he had acted as he had. And although she would not trust him immediately, it would happen. He would see to that.

"What were you going to say before?"

She blinked away what he suspected were tears. "It's not important. We have discussed enough for today."

"It is important to me."

She saw the sincerity in his eyes and it gave her the courage to address her final concern. "I worry is all. I worry that you lack conviction."

"In your love? Oh no, Anna, how could I ever-"

"No. Not about that. About _our_ love. I don't believe you carry the amount of faith in us as I do. You have wavered many times..."

"I know Anna. I am so sor-"

"Don't apologize."

"But I must."

She continued as if she never heard him. "You still believe that you are laboring towards bringing us together. That once you can accomplish the tasks before you, we will be united. Our relationship can move forward. I don't perceive it in that way." She paused, and he sensed it was to give him the chance to absorb her words.

He kept his eyes on hers. "What do you see Anna?"

She took a halting breath and her hand twitched in his. "We are already together. It is not a matter of if or even when. It is now. You have always resisted where I have embraced the assuredness of our love, of us. That needs to change. We must be in accord on this matter. As we are in all others." She hesitated and moved her hand up to his forearm. She clutched firmly. "I understand that we can't be everything to each other that we wish to be straightaway. I do. But it is just a matter of time. It always has been. Our love is a gift. Can you accept it?"

The warmth from her words spread throughout his body and it took all his self control not to lean over and kiss her. He realized at that moment that that was not the only gift he had acquired. The fact that he knew, without a doubt, that Anna would always be there was the biggest gift of all. One he had not seen fit to reciprocate.

He took hold of both her hands in his and presented her with a broad smile. "I can, my love. I will-"

The sound of his name being called interrupted him. He turned towards the counter and nodded.

"You'd best go." She squeezed his hands and stood up to leave.

He rose with her but did not release her hands. She looked at him with a questioning stare and he only grinned back.

"I love you Anna Smith. I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you." Her hands shook in his while her eyes expressed the happiness he hoped his words would convey.

But he was not finished. He had one more thing to say.

He dipped his head down low, brown eyes meeting blue. "And I will never leave you again. I promise."

* * *

A/N I have outlined a story as a companion to this that shows when Anna tells Mr. Bates about what happened with Pamuk. I have always been convinced that she shared it with him since she knew she could trust him implicitly. If you guys want me to, I will post that later on.


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